You might want to sit down. Take a breath. There’s something I have to tell you: Christian Grey is not a real person.
Soak that in for a second.
Now, let’s talk about your other options. If you’re single, accept the fact that you will never find Christian Grey. If you’re taken, accept the fact that you did not get into a relationship with Christian Grey.
I know, it’s a lot to take in.
I had to get that off my chest.
But with the release of Fifty Shades of Grey on Valentine’s Day, I couldn’t take it any longer. Ladies (and gentlemen), please hear me when I tell you: CG is a character. He’s made up. What happened was, a woman sat down and thought of all of the things she thought would be cool in a dude and then wrote them and drove girls around the world f*****g nuts. And you know, everyone is entitled to like it or not, but somewhere along the line it got out of hand. I started to read from strangers and hear from friends that they were directly comparing their companion (or their idea of one) to Christian Grey – a person who doesn’t exist – and then convinced themselves that they needed their spouse to be more like him.
I don’t even need to discuss the characteristics of this guy to get my point across (which is a whole other thing), because I am more concerned with the issue of (impossible) romantic standards.
Let’s start with the basics: you are allowed to have “a type.” You are allowed to seek a partner who passes your checklist of things you want in a lover – and actually, you should! You deserve it! You’re special! But the catch is, you’ve got to be pretty damn close to all of the things on your list, or your expectations are whack.
I’ve been following #WhyImSingle throughout the day for a laugh and some perspective, but have been frustrated with the overwhelming amount of people claim: “my standards are too high.” Yes, they probably are.
You can take this one of two ways: either they are proud of setting the bar so high, or they’re defensive about the fact that no one is good enough – and that’s not fair. There are plenty of great potential partners out there, but how will they get a chance if they’re up against a laundry list three pages long?
The difference between having a type and having a list are this: a type is usually physical-based. If you like tall, dark, and handsome – that’s your type. That’s cool. But if you’re looking for someone who makes six figures and will surprise you with gifts every few months on a Wednesday – those are list traits. Do you make six figures? Are you a thoughtful person? If not, it might be harder to find the person that you want. And when you start adding more and more things , you begin to create such a specific person that you’re only going to find in your imagination.
I’m not saying to blow away all of your standards and date the next person who asks you out. I’m saying that you should consider an open mind, choosing dates based on deal breakers instead of bullet points. A healthy amount of deal breakers to stick by is around 5, and these are separate from your type. Example: your type is blonde, around your height, and actively outdoors. Reasonable. Your deal breakers are: unkind to strangers, unemployed, sh*ts with the door open, unmotivated, and ex-con. Also reasonable.
The point is, there truly are some great people out there who are real and compatible, but you’re shutting them out with all of your rules and crazy expectations. What if on the first date, your suitor gave you the axe because you don’t make a ton of money and you don’t cook four course meals?
Try something new; the next time you feel like rejecting a date (who passes your deal breakers) because you assume they aren’t good enough, seriously reconsider. Try them out. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find what you were really looking for.